AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
wan to scold something, but just cnt find the right words to scold. not F, not bitch. it doesnt seem right to scold smth lyk tt to her. but i realllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyy v fed up. She said i v useless, but she herself also wu li qu nao. or am i wrong? ok, i was wrong for taking such a long time ,but why she jus angry lyk tt? didnt i log off? or must i add "IM SORRY"? why cnt be peacefully? and...... i know i cnt go take the course tt i wan, is my fault.YES, i clearly know that. but hav u ever feel so desperate want smth yet , u know IS IMPOSSIBLE? like take a knife stab urself n telling urself that is nt pain? then all u can say is "who ask me take the knife n stab?" same goes... all i can say is "who ask me nv work hard?" sometimes jus lyk to be emo, cuz except complain, theres nth more can change the fact. so jus let me complain a bit , but i will back to reality.Theres no way to escape from reality. SIGH*

theres is thing call OUT-OF-CONTROL. especially wen u are desire for a thing so much.Too much that it sometimes make urself confuse. Can be awhile fine without it, awhile ltr want it more.GREED.SELFISH. im fulfill all of them! yeah, such lousy person how come can come to dis world? no no no, dun get it wrong, nt saying my parents fault for bring me here. in fact my parent is the BEST. thou I LOVE YOU these words nv appear in my mouth. They are jus too great tt it sometimes make me feel so guilty, so shameful for being a bad daughter. i wonder why i just cnt behave properly. why i cnt make them proud. i also fail to be a good sister. everytime i do all these thinking, she will say stop being self pity. am i? is it scold urself feel v gd? is this call self pity?is it crying feel great? i dont find myself ke lian. i find my self ke bei. yea, nv do any good things in lives. serve me right to be scolden. sometimes, jus cnt control ur emotion, mayb i am the one start the arguement? but fact, i dun lyk arguement.. mayb i alwys express the wrong thing.. being scolden from small, now hav the habit of self-scolding.. cuz in my memories, i alwys the one do wrong thing.......now think back, i know why some ppl alwys say i low-esteem.. perhaps i nv do any right things in my life..deep inside i know i will screw it up... everything.. mayb somebody has to take over my place, n teach ME how to zuo ren. lyk to self reflects alot doesnt mean any good, in fact i nv learn my lesson. i only know to drag my debt become even more. right now, i dont really know wad i talking alrdy. mylife full of shits. too dirty that it makes me sick. I AM SUCH A JERK~ wahahhaa.

so somebody
pls kill me